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Location: Kazakhstan

I never seem to run out of things to say.

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and my interests include
cheesecake / life and love / sate/ baileys/ seafood/ pralines/ sheesha/ rollercoasters/ joyriding/ learn to sleep more/ writing/ vodka on the rocks/ menthol puffs/ mixing spices / manila / brunei / miri/ kk / good coffee / "i love you's" / moments / words / rainy days / airports / sunsets / spontaneity / beautiful shoes / food in all its forms / my baby brother / eyeliner / books / sweet SMS's / sucker for anything acoustic / laughter

Things To Do Before I Turn 22
Get that overdue drivers license

Visit a new country


Learn to cook

Live and love

Beautiful People
My Loved Ones

and you said...



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    While everything around me is ever changing, ever dying, there is underlying that change a living power that is changeless, that holds all together, that creates, dissolves and recreates....For I can see in the midst of death, life persists, in the midst of untruth, truth persists, in the midst of darkness light persists ~Mohandas K. Gandhi Site Fights Spirit Counter

    twenty. loud. addicted to certain fandoms. reads fanfiction. likes to twist the written word. can talk about anything under the sun (and thats the problem). This blog is a compilation of my thoughts and my you know it wont be very interesting. ;)

    Thursday, May 11, 2006

    By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing, and he vows his passion is infinite, undying - lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.

    I've never been so lost, and yet I've never felt so much at home.

    Ive always felt that crying is your bodys last resort when it has no more tears left to voice out its sadness. And yet lately..

    And yet lately, Ive found that tears are finite.

    I once thought if ever I had a problem, I could cry cry cry, and Id be done and Id be good, if I could just purge myself of all the things that hurt me and made me ache, like the long gone days when I was younger and Id just lock myself in my room and cry till the pain went away. Because it hurts. Dont you hate how most of us have a lot of things going for us and yet we hurt? It always hurts.

    Isnt it funny how so many of us have a roof over our heads, an education, enough money, enough happiness, loved ones and yet somehow we are all still so sad?

    Lately, Ive been feeling so numb to so many things that would have made me cry so many eons ago. Heck, Ive been doing things which would have made me pause a year ago. I feel morally depleted. The same things that would have made me cry last year are right now not having any effect and I cant remember the last time I cried, and I dont mean a tear or two at sad endings of tv shows, I mean heart wrenching, nerve wrecking, body wracking somehow cleansing sobs, and I wish I knew why.

    I dont think its a sad thing, I just dont know if Im growing up or stunting my growth. Things are not going so well for me, and normally id cry it out, but its just good enough anymore.

    I havent cried in ages. Maybe its all accumulating and Im going to burst one day, but I dont think today is that day.

    Point of this entry is stating that crying just doesnt do it for me anymore. Sometimes I just lie in bed and stare at my ceiling, willing the tears to come, but they dont. Its like I know now that tears just dont fix anything, and while the temporary release feels good, a permanent fix would be even better.

    I havent been feeling myself lately, and I dont know if its because of one large thing or an accumulation of a lot of little things. I feel Ive hit a quarterlife crisis, if you may.

    I just dont feel happy, and I feel so sad and so lonely sometimes and I wish I didnt.

    Depression is so late 90's.

    Maybe I have reasons to be sad and thats why I am. And yet, maybe I dont.

    Or maybe I just need a chocolate fix.

    And to end this entry, just because I found this ultimately cheap yet hilarious:


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