Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for what I give to you
Is just what i'm going through
This is nothing new
You do not need me

Damien Rice- Volcano

I have never known music like Damien Rice. Or perhaps I have. For some reason, his music touches me, its very soothing and calming and just what I needed at this confusing point in my life.

Bear with me.

If my life had a soundtrack, it'd be one messed up playlist, because I associate completely different songs with different aspects of my life.

Like currently, I've come to realise that I dont really know who or what I am anymore. But thats not necessarily a bad thing, because self discovery is a path I needed to walk on sooner or later. All these years, I always thought I was one particular person, and I always tried to live up to any stereotypes thrown my way, any judgements, like how Im 'friendly, loud, carefree, immature'. It never bothered me before that I could be one way to some people and completely different to others, I felt that I was adapting. You know?

Now I realise how much bs that is. I have to be me 24/7, no matter what people expect. I could be a different version of me, but still me. I have to stop tryingto please everyone because its wearing me down and in the end Im not pleasing anyone.

I've always thought I knew all there was to know about myself but now I have come to accept that I don't, theres still so much more of me to discover, so much more that Im capable of, so much more I can do, with or without the security and comfort zones Im secured in, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why its okay to go through a phase where you dont know who you are.

Thing is, I cant expect others to love me for me, if I dont even know who me is.

That was either me being poetical or completely bs-sy again.

This week is ball week, then elections week and then study weeks and then exam weeks and then I go off for a month and then Im back for summer. Oh joy.