theres a need to know the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

Today is the birthday of a girl I used to know.

I say I used to know her, not because she passed away or left my life entirely, but because as I sit here and type this up, I can honestly say that as I gaze at her when she walks past, or when she smiles at me, or when she and I pause in our widely seperate lives and we speak, my heart breaks a little more each time because I can see how far apart we've grown.

But I see that apart from me, she's grown, she's blossomed. I love the woman she's become, the girl she's shed, and the mixture of both when she thinks no ones looking. I love our past friendship together and nostalgia has washed over me more times than I can count.

But I need to move on and stop moping and whining that she and I are on completely different paths in life. And I see this. And I see..

I see how much happier she is this way.
Seeing her happy is so much more important to me than almost anything, and as I stand here and she stands there, I gaze at the girl I used to know, and know that we didnt mean to drift. It just happens. As they say, sh*t just happens.

But I cant deny how much happier I see her without my strangling hold on her. Its painful to realise your best friend blossomed even though, or maybe especially because you were gone from her side.

theres a need to know the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

When I first read that, it made no sense. But today, of all days, I realise how much sense it really does make. And I suppose that Im quitting the whining, and the superficial cries and im just gonna let her go.

And let her live.

And Im not going to try and force my way back in..like I always have.

Perhaps thats a better birthday present than anything I could ever ever give her.

Today is the birthday of a girl I used to know.

Happy birthday, girl.