And I wonder if he realised that when my mouth was letting him go that he knew how hard it was for me to keep from adding that at the same time I was cursing him with all the wasted whispers and unfulfilled promises and my eyes were wondering why he wasnt fighting for me and my heart was wishing that when he kisses her, his lips would still taste of me in all my bittersweet unwanted love.

Its the damaged people you watch out for/ Theyre the ones who are dangerous/ They know, you see, that no matter what life throws at them from here on out/ They will survive.

To get my hair past my ribs, ladies and gentlemen. And then decide whether to rebond it again or let it be naturally wavy. That is my new years resolution.

Why, you may ask? Because if I make any less shallow and superficial than that, I know I wont fulfil it.

My phils vacation? It was sublime and when I have time to upload pictures, I will. I enjoyed every second.

You know Im too emotional when simply talking with my mother on the phone for 5 minutes is enough to set me off into tears, with my pretending I can take care of myself and Im independent, when deep inside I just want her to scoop me up and take care of me. I miss my family more than I can say. Its weird. I was with them for a full month and a week this time and its just never enough.

I should be studying but my mind keeps wandering and wont focus.

Summer classes are intensive by nature, and here I am doing not one but two full semester units within 5 weeks. What if I fail and fall flat on my face? Goodness, its only my first day back in student mode (I arrived last Saturday, Jan 7th) and already I feel exhausted. This coming from a girl who's main routine in the holidays was basically to be as much of a bum as she possibly could.

Schedule:

Monday: Problem Analysis 150 (L) 8 am to 12 pm
Business Statistics (L) 1.30- 5 pm
Tuesday: Business Statistics (Tut) 9 am- 1.30 pm
Wednesday: Problem Analysis (tut) 8 am to 11 am
Business Statistics (TEST) 12- 1 pm
Business Statistics (LAB) 1.30-5 pm
Thursday: Problem Analysis 150 (Seminar) 8 am to 11 am

Mind you, this is over a 5 week period.

I think Im going to die.

But strangely, the nerd in me is leaping for joy over the challenge. I really was a nerd in high school, despite what I seem to be in college. Heh. I suppose my body thrives on stress and adrenaline. I think I really am twisted inside.

Or maybe Im just trying to prove something to myself.

I would like to watch Memoirs Of A Geisha. I would like to read more Maeve Binchy books. I would like to escape into the worlds of Narnia and Hogwarts and Tree Hill and Dawson's Creek. But we all know thats not going to happen.